day 22

So had some reflection time today and noticed that I was finally beginning to truly embrace the process and all that happens when you quit something so big.  All the weird things that have happened with my body, heretofore known as "detoxing", has been a thorn in my side.  I haven't really loved it all, I think I should have been loving it ALL. Would those transitions been easier if I had loved them instead of whined about them?  Perhaps.  I know I am still going through detoxing my body.  But what about detoxing the mind?  Why do I still think about having a smoke?  I know those moments are getting fewer and fewer but it still shocks me when I have one.  Take tonight...having a great dinner with family and all of a sudden, wanted to go to my purse and go have a smoke.  Maybe, I did enjoy them sometimes.  I know I didn't enjoy them as soon as I was done.  I have heard that cigarette addiction could be compared to heroin addiction.  I am refusing to believe these things that are told to us as soon as we start to quit.  Not only does it give you a way out, it also makes you believe this is impossible!  Nothing is impossible with GOD!
Listen to this that I read today based on Luke 5:4  'Launch out into the deep'.
            Into the deep of the Holy Spirit, until He becomes a bright, dazzling, sweet, fathomless summer sea, in which we bathe and bask and breathe, and lose ourselves and our sorrows in the calmness and peace of His everlasting presence.
This evokes such a beautiful picture to me of how GOD is saying to me...Trust ME!  Launch out into the deep!  We have to get deep with this addiction.  I am just discovering the why of it and bringing it all into the light!  Praise HIM!  If I keep fighting my own inner battles, I will never have the strength to fight the enemy who is trying to destroy me!  I am bowing to the KING and allowing HIM once again to take this from me.

So, day 22...last day of Feb, wow...forgot to get battle gear on, missed yoga again!, had lots of fun with grandkids, struggled with thoughts, ...rest of life???? keeping my head above water!!

Love to you all...keep praying for me.  I am so thankful for your support.  May today be the first day of the rest of your life, it was for me.

Jules

Day 21

Okay, so today was more about not smoking than I think any other day was.  I was with my 4 youngest grandsons and I looked at all of them together and thought....I would have been trying to figure out how I was going to get a smoke right about now without any of them seeing me.  It was kinda sad to me that I even had that thought creep in to my brain today.  So now that I am a non-smokin Nana (yeah!!)...my 4 youngest grandsons will never know I was a smoker.  Wow!  That is bringing tears to my eyes.
It was a really good day today. Two of my dearest friends are committing to quitting! I am sending them all the love and grace that Jesus can give because this is a spiritual journey along with a physical one!  One of the healers I am seeing right now spoke to me the other day about the "shame" of being a christian smoker!  It is so true...I would put on my christian mask and pretend I was not a smoker.  The stigma being that "why didn't you quit when you got saved?  Jesus should be able to be enough for you.....so sad how the christians are killing the christians.  The judgments we project onto one another must be breaking GODS heart into a million tiny pieces.  Don't get me wrong, I am the biggest judger of all time.  I am learning pretty quickly that my belief system has been pretty far off from the heart of the Mighty ONE who Saves.
My readings today were, of course, exactly what I needed to hear...Beth Moore said "How many times have I fed on ashes instead of feasting on the Word? How many times has my deluded heart misled me?"
Pretty profound for me!  Then my daily reading was Rom 7: 21-25:
²¹So I’ve discovered this truth: Evil is present with me even when I want to do what God’s standards say is good. ²²I take pleasure in God’s standards in my inner being. ²³However, I see a different standard at work throughout my body. It is at war with the standards my mind sets and tries to take me captive to sin’s standards which still exist throughout my body. ²⁴What a miserable person I am! Who will rescue me from my dying body? ²⁵I thank God that our Lord Jesus Christ rescues me! So I am obedient to God’s standards with my mind, but I am obedient to sin’s standards with my corrupt nature.
Our corrupt nature keeps us smoking even when every part of us loathes it! God is so in control here!  I am once again in awe of my LORD and KING! I could never have done this without HIM!  My flesh (corrupt nature) is so weak, but I want nothing more than to be obedient to HIM.

so, day 21.....loved on my grandkids, missed out on bikram yoga, saw a great comedy show..rest of life??? obedient

Love to you all...to those who started their day 1?  I am praying constantly, remember God has you in His hands and HE is gripping you tightly!  Hold on to HIS promise to you.....Love yourself enough, it is enough.
God Bless you and praying for your rest of life.

 Jules

Day 20

Well, I officially am at the 3 week mark,  I am feeling like I need to change the name of my blog to rest of life???
Funny how this has become so much more than just quitting smoking and more about examining all the addictions and areas GOD wants to fix in my life.
Yes, yesterday sucked and it was a big transition for me.  I finally identified that I was hiding. The biggest thing I was hiding is the fear of trusting anyone with knowing the real me.  I have compartmentalized my whole life!  Hence, the half life......what is the rest of my life going to look like?  I don't know, and frankly don't want to. That paralyzes me and puts all the control back into my hands and I am done!!!  It is so scary and exciting as I venture deeper into who GOD has intended me to be.
Giving up the past....the past is also an addiction for me.  As long as I had the scared and lonely little girl, I could keep the mask on and I could still be the victim.  I didn't even know that I needed to hold on to her in order for me to feel safe.  God is showing me everyday that HE is holding that little girl and I can trust HIM!  I feel a shift in the balance of my life...yesterday was all about being in the tornado.  Today, there is grace abounding!  Check out what my reading was today!  2Cor 12: 8-10 says:
⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 
And all I can say is Glory to GOD in the Highest....I bow before the Creator.


So..day 20, crawled on my hands and knees to finally stand, had such amazing conversations, looked at the light of DAY.......rest of life???? Being a great believer!!

Love and peace, grace that fills your every cell and sinew...HE loves you more that you will ever imagine!  May your day 1 be glory unto HIM.  I am so proud that you are stepping out in faith.
Lovingly,
Jules

Day 19

Today sucked!  Thats all I have felt all day that I could write.  This has become a much bigger picture than quitting smoking.  The spiritual side of this is huge and very scary.  Gods purpose for not healing me immediately, I don't understand because I don't want to go to the places he is taking me.  Take this from me O Lord of the Heavens and Earth, I don't want to fall apart. 
I know there are times in our lives that God needs to clean house.  (Funny, I would use that term since I can't clean my house right now) This is that time for me.  Interesting too, my reading today was Eccles 3. Verse1 says:
¹ There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:
So all I can do right now is believe GOD.

day 19..........................rest of life?????shaky

God Bless you all, keep praying for me please.  Today is day one again!

day 18

I thought I was going to be writing about the cravings hitting today but then I knew I was supposed to go in a different direction.  Life has been way too serious and trudging through the muck that I need to lighten up!!  That is so not me and I can only take a few days of it.  My husband was getting all sad reading my blogs too!  So here we go.......I was having alot of random thoughts about the things I can do now that I am a non-smoker:

1. get a better rate on my car insurance...i don't know why a smoker has to pay a higher rate on car insurance, but they do
2. do less laundry.....I hate laundry and now my laundry has been cut by 90%
3. stand closer to buildings......don't have to worry about the 10 foot rule
4. get plastic surgery......if I want
5. detail my car and have it stay clean for longer than a week.......
6. sing better....
7. not get an offensive littering ticket
8. not burn down a forest......

It is weird to me that I haven't been around one smoker since I quit.  Was I the only smoker left in the world?  I know  there are smokers out there and how will I handle it if I am around someone smoking?  I would hope that HIS grace would surround me.  My favorite coffee talk girl, Adrienna, told me today that GOD was working on her perfectionism and HE said it was an addiction.  That is so true!  I know that I have used that as a cover as much as I used smoking as a cover!  These are our smoke screens we hide behind, all our little addictions we use as coping mechanisms.   This made me have to reflect again about why did I smoke for all those years?  I know that when I got stressed or anything, I would go have a smoke.  Coping mechanism....yes?  The more upset I would get about anything, I would smoke.  Self-reflection is a good thing.  It brings us to a point where we start to love ourselves, that which we are told not to do in our society.  We are taught to be self-centered, but that is not loving ourselves.  We are GODS MASTERPIECE! Think about that...HE loves us so much, why do we not love ourselves? I do love my personality traits....but the whole package?  I'm working on it.  No....take that back.... my LORD and KING, Creator of the Heavens and the Earth is working on it!

so day 18.....did yoga, drank too much coffee, did take some vitamins, took a good nap, had more coffee with A, rest of life?...........being a non-smoker and loving myself!

Loving you all, and thanking you for your support through this journey!  Today is the first day of the rest of your life!  Love yourselves and how special you really are!

Jules

Day 17

Today has been a day of ......ambiguity.  Which the dictionary definition is:  1-doubtfulness or uncertainty of meaning or intention: to speak with ambiguity; an ambiguity of manner.'  Had several things I needed to do today and the mere fact I was "ambiguous in my manner" caused me some stress.  Best thing I learned today was "I am Gods masterpiece." Eph 2:10.   This is actually in the bible!  It made me realize that I was taking this process out of HIS hands !once again!, and putting it all on me.  I have become the perfect quitter!  No one else can quit smoking as good as me.  The glory of GOD was not going to be shown in this...it was the glory of Jules.  So needless to say, my body !once again! shut down.  My mind joined in too and "clickity clack" came back!  It took most of the day to ponder this new thought and while I was at yoga tonight, I acknowledged this.  The cankles started to go away, and so did "clickety"....I thank The ALMIGHTY ONE who cares about every little thing about me!  It is a wonder and a miracle every day.  I love that HE is not letting me get too far into my crazy...ness!!!before putting me back in my place.  HE loves us so. 
I am excited again about this process and am so ready to delve deeper into the psyche that comes with this.    It is a journey to discover who you are again without this addiction.  Sometimes it seems like "here we go again, another wardrobe change!" when actually it is GOD's way of molding and shaping us.  Being a willing vessel is the hardest part.  I LOVE who I am.....the quirkiness, the fact I wake up every day in a good mood, my ability to love, everything!  I didn't really think I needed to change, but obviously GOD has other purposes and plans.  I really believe that I was getting ready to rob myself of the beautiful plan that God has in this.  HE LOVES US SO!


so day 17....cleaned living room, had bible study, ate decent food, went to yoga, praising the KING!!!....rest of life?? lifted out of the pit!


May the Creator of the Universe be with you all tonight.  I pray for you and believe that you will be blessed beyond measure, and hoping you see HIS glory in everything around you!
Lovingly yours,
Jules

day 16

What a day!  This is by far the worst day I have ever had......ankles are swollen to the point of cankles, can't keep my eyes open and I have a really bad attitude!  Don't have any cravings, which I am praising God for!, because I don't know how well I could handle that too.
So maybe I am having some nicotine withdrawal things going on.  Here is the list I am using as a resource:

NicotineWithdrawal Symptoms/My symptoms

• Cravings to smoke/no
• Irritable, cranky/yes...finally today!!!
• Insomnia/yes
• Fatigue/yes
• Inability to Concentrate/yes
• Headache/no
• Cough/no
• Sore throat/no
• Constipation, gas, stomach pain/no and no more than usual and no
• Dry mouth/no
• Sore tongue and/or gums/no
• Postnasal drip/maybe....I kinda wish I had this one
• Tightness in the chest/no   

I certainly don't see cankles on the list.

Beth Moore was really good today, her heading read "A Christian is held captive by anything that hinders the abundant, effective, spirit-filled life God planned for Him."  I can look at smoking as hindering my life and something that also held me captive.  I am speaking out more about living a half-life.  This has been what most of my life has been about.  I kept most things about myself to myself, because to really let people in you have to reveal yourself to them.  I know the Mighty ONE of the Universe knows all about me, every hair on my head (we all need to read PS 139 everyday!), but I didn't know me.  The half lives.......kept me in a half life with HIM too.  I am learning to trust in my LORD and KING...Ps 62:5-8 says
 ⁵ Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
      for my hope is in him.
 ⁶ He alone is my rock and my salvation,
      my fortress where I will not be shaken.
 ⁷ My victory and honor come from God alone.
      He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
 ⁸ O my people, trust in him at all times.
      Pour out your heart to him,
      for God is our refuge.

so..day 16....woke up late for yoga again, saw Dr.Bond, had ION cleanse, got grossed out again, fell asleep folding clothes........rest of life???? trusting the Ruler of the Heavens and Earth will take this from me!

Love to you all, keep praying and thanks for all your support!  I am believing for your rest of life and your day one whatever that may be.  God Bless
Jules

Day 15

Thank the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY I am back in the cocoon!  I always thought the hardest place for me to be during my worst phases of this journey would be my home.....it is the only place I am not having cravings!  Got all the Value Village things cleaned of the 'smoking demons' and was able to bring them into the cocoon so everything is still safe here.  Okay, if I were to analyze this all the way through, I would have to say my home was never a relaxing place to smoke at all.  Since I never smoked in front of my husband (who never ever! saw me smoke in 15yrs of our marriage, mind you) and I would hide in my backyard from people....definitely, this is the easiest place to not smoke!  I did love smoking in my car..no, that's not true either, because I was always worried I might see someone I know.  Did I ever enjoy smoking????  Yes I did!  I believe that was in the 80's, everyone was smoking everything.  Should have quit as soon as the 80's were over.  But secretly don't we all wish it were still the 80's? 

So today has been a good day.  Googled side effects of nicotine withdrawal, and the symptoms are really not what I am having!  Why would I even do that I have to ask myself??  Great to know that GOD has the side effects in HIS hands.  I have heard from several people that hardest days would be 3rd day, 3 weeks, 3 months, etc?  Rereading my first days...that was day 5, days 13 & 14.  Pretty sure I am not following any of the "this is what will happen" things. 

I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.  That scripture keeps popping up almost on a daily basis.  Heard it randomly on a commercial this morning!  God is so good to me.  One of my daily readings is in this old book written in 1925 called "Streams in the Desert".  The reading today was Ps 37:7  Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for HIM.  I know how impatient I usually am, wanting everything done right now.  He is teaching me that not everything is supposed to come so easily.  How long does it take to grow an amazing garden?  Mine is years in the process and it still isn't anywhere close to where I want it to be.  I want Him to mold and shape where this is headed and I can only pray I will listen and keep my self out of it.  Thought....... I want to be the garden and let GOD design and prune and weed and cultivate my heart, mind, and soul.  I love this idea.  HE has purpose in everything, so am trying to keep that thought in the forefront of my minds eye.

So, day 15.....overslept and missed yoga, , lunch with a friend,  house a disaster area and don't care....rest of life?......waiting patiently.

Praying for you, believing for you, and hoping for your day 1.
Lovingly, Jules

days 13 & 14

Wow! What a weekend!  You would think that more time passes and it will be easier and BOOM! the cravings finally hit like crazy!  In reading day 12, I was living in lala land where everything smelled like a tangerine and world peace was right around the corner.  Thanks for the slap upside the head Oh mighty ONE, maker of heaven and earth!  I knew this was going a little too easy. 
I went to Value Village with my sister in law and everything smelled like tobacco.  Weird to say the least but the smell lingered in my brain for the whole weekend.  I wondered if  items I purchased were possessed by smokers!  My brother & sister inlaw prayed for awhile to help me past the urges and thank God they were there!  I was at a point today where I was going to bum one from a total stranger, then one of my kids called.  That could have only been GOD!  His presence in this...................... Everytime I think I can't do it, HE says I can.
Something has been rolling around my head for a few days, the word "purpose".  I don't know exactly what I will be doing with this word yet, but we know, that all of us were created for Gods purpose.  He is the master of the universe and his plans and purpose for our lives is such a mystery.  Are we ready to live for HIS purpose?  I do know, I feel there is such a purpose in what is happening with the quit......loved ones have suggested using aids and everytime I think I should, there is this overwhelming feeling that God is saying no.  Be patient, and wait for ME!  I had angry moments this weekend which haven't happened and really felt under attack.  (Still having cravings but finally back in cocoon so all should be well soon!)  I am believing that with change comes difficulty, so everyday is a challenge that HE is giving me.  Refining my life, polishing my spirit, and loving my self....... Praise Him in all things!

so day 13 and 14......no yoga, no exercise or survival kit, 1 box of Wheat Thins, 2 cups peanuts, 1 bag of gummi bears, 2 days of constant shopping, rest of life?........crawling on hands and knees

God Bless, keep praying, and know that it starts with day 1.

Day 12

Ok...here it is day 12 and these are the things I am noticing about being a non-smoker....
1:     I wore a shirt 2 days in a row
2:     I have forgotten my purse and gotten to the store and had to go home and get it!  (Now I am worried I           will forget it other places too)
3:     I want to be closer to my husband now that I smell nice.
4:     My husband wants to be closer to me!
5.     I really like chocolate....so random
I am not thinking as clearly though, this seems weird to me.  I find myself in stare mode alot!  Is this because I am detoxing?  Had an ION Cleanse treatment this morning...so gross yet so interesting.  My water was orange with white foam and green stuff.  I was detoxing the lymph system, gallbladder, and joints.  You would think the lungs would have a role right now but everything I am reading and hearing has to do with the gallbladder.  I am excited to see what happens on my next treatment.
I was reading Beth Moore this morning and the heading on todays devotion was...God is not looking for spiritual giants.  He is looking for believers who believe for a change!  I am believing God is changing me day by day in this whole process.  Not only am I not wigging out in this quitting process, but everyday I am finding power where there was none, and peace where there was strife!  I think at times my mind and body were at war and now I feel such a calm inside.  Only God could bring this to me, it makes me humbled that He had so prepared me to do this!  Thank you Lord for your presence and protection!

So, day 12.....bikram was powerful, oatmeal was delicious, ION cleanse was gross, God is so AWESOME! rest of life?......at peace.

Love and peace to all and remember...today is the first day of the rest of your life!
Jules

Day 11 OK...so there are support groups!

So...might have jumped the gun a little as there are support groups called nicotine anonymous, which sounds pretty disgusting, if you ask me.  I do like smokers anon, (thank you Heidi,) and maybe just the really cool people will read this!  The principles are the same as AA, working the 12 step program, getting a sponsor and all that.  I don't know that a program like that would have worked for me.  Here I am on day 11, and it seems like I am doing pretty good.  I barely had a craving yesterday and thoughts of smoking came only around 2 or 3 times.  That is huge for me because clickity-clack (the smoker demon in my head) had been talking most everyday, all day!  Interesting this morning as I was getting home from my workouts, I really wanted a cigarette!  First time I have thought like that.  Noticed I was really thirsty and hadn't eaten yet.  After eating and drinking, craving went away.  Note to self....
So here it is day 11...workouts done, cravings huge!!!, house a mess, rest of life?.......humbled
Love to all and remember you can do it! Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Jules

days 1-10

So.... as I have embarked on this journey to quit smoking after 33 yrs, I have discovered that there are no support groups like AA or NA in my area that I know of.  I have been posting on my facebook page everyday what this has felt like.  Are other people out there who are trying to quit and wish they had a support group to go to?
Here are my postings so far from facebook....

today is the first day of the rest of my life....

Day 2....rest of life! Yeah

day 2.5....6 apples, 12 times brushing teeth, 8 vit C lozenges, 2 showers, 0 complete sentences.....rest of life? Priceless

day 3...smoothie drank, workout done, massage @ 12, house is clean...rest of life? Awwesome!!!!

day 4...driving to eugene, survival kit in hand,,,,,rest of life? let you know late

day 4.5...climbed a mountain, drank a coffee, praised my KING, rest of life? Victorious!

day 5...workout done, lozenges-3, thieves oil constant, rest of life?.....struggling!

day 5.75....made it over the hump!...rest of life? stay tuned

day 6....feeling amazingly weird?...rest of life? I think the future is bright and Im gonna have to wear some shades!

day 6.75... 2Cor 4:8-10 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but we do not give up. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. Rest of Life??? I am a child of God!!

 Day 7...smoothie drank, bikram yoga accomplished, new activewear in bag, rest of life????? Powerful!

 Day 8...bikram killed me, smoothie delicious!, cravings=0.......rest of life? strong!

 day 9.....1.5 hrs bikram yoga, 6 hrs in car, climbed the mountain again today! rest of life? believing!

 day 10...water spraying all over bathroom, clickity clack , SHUT UP! dont need a cig....rest of life? breathing

 and so the journey begins in this blog.....stay tuned.  As far as the rest of day 10? my word is READY!!!!