Day 30

Well, it is finally day 30 around here and what a psycho day it has been!  It makes me wonder how much the enemy of my soul is wanting to get me so stressed that I think I need a cigarette?  There was a brief moment around 11:15 that I went to the purse to grab one.....just shook my head and started breathing.  Blood pressure went down and craving went away.  Now its the end of the day and reflecting on things, you can see the little traps that get set, I'm going to call them "my little bumps" because you know how much I love to name things...anyway, I felt like satan was goading me.........peck, peck, peck.  I think clickity clack was trying to come back.  Whatever term you use it is still the enemy of your soul!!  So didn't really get into the WORD either because there was a lot of "pecking" going on.  BIG mistake...HUGE!!  I should have gone there first thing this morning...so when I finally did get to my reading for the day, It is 2 Cor 1:3-4  This is from The Message;

^3-5All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of 
all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too. 
 This was completely my day!!!!  HE is amazing!...everyday on this journey, HE has sent me a word that lifts me up.  Even when I didn't seek HIM today, he was alongside.  Here is Psalm 51:16-17 that spoke to me tonight..this is also from The Message;
^16-17 Going through the motions doesn't please you,
      a flawless performance is nothing to you.
   I learned God-worship 
     when my pride was shattered.
   Heart-shattered lives ready for love
      don't for a moment escape God's notice. 
 So this might be my last post for a while, I really am feeling like this needs to become a.....rest of life??blog.  
I don't know what this rest of life is going to look like and I am excited about that.  The smokescreen is gone and I am ready for what GOD would want me to do.  I love that I can finally see HIS GLORY and I know I have been looking for it my whole life.  Saw glimpses mind you, but to really experience what I have these last thirty days is nothing short of a miracle for me.

so day 30, beat the smoking demons once again!!, saw how precious my life is to HIM, crying like a baby right now, .....rest of life???? In service to MY LORD WHO SAVES and loves me so....

Blessed days to you all, seek GOD in your day 1, and always remember, today is the first day of the rest of life.  Cherish it and cherish yourself!  THE GOD of the universe loves you so much!!  I love you so much too.

 Jules

day 29

Wow, I can't believe that it is going to be a 30 day milestone tomorrow.  What a journey this has been and I know it is still just the beginning.  I do feel like I was a non-smoker from day 1 but there have been a few bumps.  I have a bet going with one of my sisters and I have to admit, if it wasn't for that bet, I might have had one.  The loser of our bet has to take the winner to a luxury spa.....need I say more.  I am not going to lose this bet.  The bet ends on May 7th and hopefully it will be a wash.  Both of us are in such a better place because of it.  Little did I know that this would become such a spritual journey for me, but GOD has had a purpose for this.  That word has been in the forefront of my mind all day again...PURPOSE!  Here is the dictionary definition:

1. the reason for which anything is done, created, or exists

2. a fixed design, outcome, or idea that is the object of an action or other effort

3. fixed intention in doing something; determination a man of purpose

4. practical advantage or use to work to good purpose

5. that which is relevant or under consideration (esp in the phrase to or from the purpose)

I like # 1.  And if anyone is looking for new ways to quit smoking, there is an article in the Eugene Daily News that talks about this UO study that texting can help you quit smoking!  Yeah! I knew texting would be good for something someday!!!

I am just now starting to have dreams and desires about what this life is going to look like without smoking being in it.  I am believing for the purpose of this, that GOD, the ALMIGHTY ONE of the UNIVERSE, is going to use this journey as glory unto HIM!
My reading today is Ps 139: 23-24
 ²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;
      test me and know my anxious thoughts.
 ²⁴ Point out anything in me that offends you,
      and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

 I love this psalm so much...it is my go to psalm for just about everything.  When I am feeling down, happy, introverted, extroverted, whatever....this psalm says it all.  My Beth Moore devotional was Phil 4:13  "For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength."   Hasn't this been such a recurring scripture throughout this whole blog!!??  How can I ever doubt THE ONE, THE GREAT I AM??  I could never have done this without HIM.  To feel HIS presence this whole time is amazing, and I know how unworthy I  really am.  HE loves me so much.

so day 29....worked on the deep clean which is just going to end up being the spring clean!, had a lovely dinner with my lovely husband, no Vit  C chewables, rest of life????lifting my hands in praise to the KING of KINGS!!

Keep praying loved ones...GOD is surrounding us and no thing can harm us.  Hope your day 1 is today and your rest of life is filled with HIS glory.  I love you all.

Jules

day 28

Glorious sunny day......all I could do was read poetry.  Here is one that spoke to where I am feeling things the most...my soul

Be all at rest, my soul, O blessed secret,
Of the true life that glorifies thy Lord:
Not always doth the busiest soul best serve Him,
But he that resteth on His faithful Word.
Be all at rest, let not your heart be rippled,
For tiny wavelets mar the image fair,
Which the still pool reflects of heaven's glory--

And thus the image He would have thee bear.

Be all at rest, my soul, for rest is service,

To the still heart God doth His secrets tell;

Thus shalt thou learn to wait, and watch, and labor,

Strengthened to bear, since Christ in thee doth dwell.

For what is service but the life of Jesus,

Lived through a vessel of earth's fragile clay,

Loving and giving and poured forth for others,

A living sacrifice from day to day.

Be all at rest, so shalt thou be an answer

To those who question, "Who is God and where?"

For God is rest, and where He dwells is stillness,

And they who dwell in Him, His rest shalt share.

And what shall meet the deep unrest around thee,

But the calm peace of God that filled His breast?

For still a living Voice calls to the weary,

From Him who said, "Come unto Me and rest."

--Freda Hanbury Allen

 so day 28......finding a stillness in my spirit, loving my self, ........rest of life???? listening

Peace to you, let love fill every space, and I pray for your day 1.  Embrace where you are right now!  I love you all.

Jules

day 27

Something has infiltrated the cocoon.  The cocoon is the only place I want to smoke.....hmmm.  I am going to deep clean room by room starting tomorrow.  Don't think I can call it the cocoon anymore either!!  Dang!, I really like that term for my house.  It was such a calm peaceful word to describe a safe place to be.  Nowhere is safe...you have to be on your guard all the time while you are becoming a non-smoker.  Just kidding, I thought I would mix things up and make you all think I am getting paranoid.....the cocoon has been breached tho.

Today was interesting and wonderful.  Had to examine my motives and how I react to situations.  I love this self reflecting....why has it taken me so long to do this?  You really do have to be ready to embark on any journey or else it becomes an exercise in futility.  I saw how my defenses come up and the wall gets built and no one is allowed into the compound without express permission from the commandant.  Relationships are often left outside because to let them in would be too painful.  If you could really see the real me, then how could you love me?  Loving self is so important in these days we are in.  We forget about ourselves in the busy...ness of life and if we can't truly love ourselves, how can we love anyone else truly?  HE LOVES US SO MUCH!!  Read Ephesians 1.......this passage has so much meaning right now.
  ^11-12It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.     

I am trying so hard right now to redefine who I am.  Wait, do I really mean redefine?  And why am I trying so hard?  Once again, doing GODS job and failing miserably.  Will I ever be able to just let it be and believe?
I read this in Streams in the Desert today.........
The finest china in the world is burned at least three times, some of it more than three times. Dresden china is always burned three times. Why does it go through that intense fire? Once ought to be enough; twice ought to be enough. No, three times are necessary to burn that china so that the gold and the crimson are brought out more beautiful and then fastened there to stay.
We are fashioned after the same principle in human life. Our trials are burned into us once, twice, thrice; and by God's grace these beautiful colors are there and they are there to stay forever.
--Cortland Myers

so day 27...... getting refined by fire, defied the smoking demons once again, 12 Vit C chewables, rest of life???? loving the journey

So where can we flee from your presence, O HOLY ONE who loves us so?  Be free and live your day 1 like it is your last.  Rejoice in all things and believe you are so loved.  I love and pray for you.

Jules

day 26

Today was a day of disappointments.....I wanted to smoke all day.  Still do as I am typing.  I am glad that I am having days like this because I know they are for the greater good of getting over this addiction.  Let me repeat that 25 times...50 times....278 times...maybe I should write it 5000 times on the blackboard!  GOD never said this was going to be easy.  I have been pretty lucky that I haven't had huge withdrawal symptoms that put you over the edge!  Dr. Bond told me today that I need to make sure I am eating good food, drinking lots of water, exercising, and getting plenty of rest.  This will keep those urges away because I have already quit!  He is so right and so lets take a look at what I have done in all those areas: 
Eating good food:  yesterday I had a JR Whopper and a bowl of Grapenuts, today I had a KFC wrap, and a bowl of Grapenuts, so nope...not eating good food.  (Really need to get to grocery store!)
Drinking lots of water:  I am drinking water, not lots but some
Exercising:  1 bikram yoga class in 2 weeks and haven't been to Curves in 2 weeks, so nope.....not exercising!
Get lots of rest:  4-6 hrs a night and 1 nap this past week, so nope.....not getting the proper amount of rest either!
So maybe the disappointment is all about me.  I was looking forward to some things that just didn't happen and I took it personally as usual and BAM! Back to self pity mode.....am I trying to sabotage this journey?  Am I sabotaging or just getting bored with this and my ADD is kicking in?  I think in my past I am always so quick to move on to something bigger and better.  My sister in law calls them shiny bubbles.  When you see them you just need to go chase them!  Life is always going to give you disappointing moments, I know this!  When will I learn to just give it ALL over to HIM?  I just went to Biblegateway.com to copy my reading for today, when look what the reading for the day is on this website??????
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”” - Joshua 1:9
So obviously, this is my scripture for the day!!  Okay,  LORD GOD, MIGHTY ONE OF MY LIFE!!  I get it.  I will not be afraid, for I know that YOU are with me.  Isaiah 40:30-31 says 
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
   and young men stumble and fall;
³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
   will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
   they will run and not grow weary,
   they will walk and not be faint.
I understand this so much more that I ever have today!  HE is never going to let me go...I get it again today.

so day 26,.....did an extremely hard wallpaper job and got stressed, didn't get the wrap I wanted for lunch and got stressed, got a sad phone call and got stressed.......rest of life???? getting it slowly but surely!

We all get weary, but the KING of ALL CREATION is calling you to HIM.  Have hope that HE is there helping you with the rest of your life....and today is the first day!  I love you all, peace and stillness is being prayed over you tonight.

Jules

Days 24 & 25

So I am back to the cocoon for a while and quite frankly very happy about that.  I am looking forward to this next week to see if this last trip away kicked me out of the slump I was in last week.  Lots happened on this trip and I feel so empowered like never before.
Had a conversation with one of my daughters' friends who was trying to get me into a religious argument, was able to stay pretty calm for most of it, then the WORD stepped in and the peace that took over was a miracle to me!  I could actually feel the presence of the Holy Spirit as I was talking about something in the WORD to her, like I have never felt before.  You know how I keep talking about "the smokescreen"....can I even imagine how much I have missed in this lifetime?  Listen to what Beth Moore said yesterday....The most effective means the enemy has to keep believers from being full of the SPIRIT, is to keep us full of ourselves.  Smoking definitely kept me from being full of the SPIRIT!!  Do you know how much time it takes to have a habit like this?  For me, it was planning when I could have a smoke, and keeping track of that plan throughout the day.  So full of my self!!
I did walk into my house today and thought about when would I have a smoke?  When do these thoughts go away?  Is this something I will always live with?  One of my dearest friends is on day 5 (praise the Holy One of the universe!) and she is listening to a meditative cd about quitting smoking.  It is telling her to keep repeating certain phrases like 'I am a non-smoker' and others.  Not a bad idea and I am going to try that.  Oh, and by the way, she got the post nasal drip and is actually being able to tell people, "Oh, pardon me, I have post nasal drip because I quit smoking!"  Not fair she got to steal my line!!  Too, TOO Funny....we have been laughing pretty hard over this!
So the last couple of days have been pretty great all around and my readings have mostly been in Proverbs...the proverb that is most affecting me is Prov 8:32-36.  This version is from The Message...
 ^32-36 "So, my dear friends, listen carefully;
   those who embrace these my ways are most blessed.
Mark a life of discipline and live wisely;
   don't squander your precious life.
Blessed the man, blessed the woman, who listens to me,
   awake and ready for me each morning,
   alert and responsive as I start my day's work.
When you find me, you find life, real life,
   to say nothing of God's good pleasure.
But if you wrong me, you damage your very soul;
   when you reject me, you're flirting with death." 

This whole proverb is talking about wisdom...enough said!


Day 23 & 24....faced some tough areas and conquered some fears, didn't sleep hardly at all, drove 1200 miles, laughed hysterically and cried hysterically, .......rest of life??? wiser and wiser, clearer and clearer!!

Blessings on your life, seek Wisdom in your every day, which is the WORD.  Keep praying for me, I need it so badly and remember, today is the first day of the rest of your life.  Make it count, love yourself to your fullest capacity and praise the KING of KINGS for what HE is doing for you.  I love you all so much.

Jules