day 27

Something has infiltrated the cocoon.  The cocoon is the only place I want to smoke.....hmmm.  I am going to deep clean room by room starting tomorrow.  Don't think I can call it the cocoon anymore either!!  Dang!, I really like that term for my house.  It was such a calm peaceful word to describe a safe place to be.  Nowhere is safe...you have to be on your guard all the time while you are becoming a non-smoker.  Just kidding, I thought I would mix things up and make you all think I am getting paranoid.....the cocoon has been breached tho.

Today was interesting and wonderful.  Had to examine my motives and how I react to situations.  I love this self reflecting....why has it taken me so long to do this?  You really do have to be ready to embark on any journey or else it becomes an exercise in futility.  I saw how my defenses come up and the wall gets built and no one is allowed into the compound without express permission from the commandant.  Relationships are often left outside because to let them in would be too painful.  If you could really see the real me, then how could you love me?  Loving self is so important in these days we are in.  We forget about ourselves in the busy...ness of life and if we can't truly love ourselves, how can we love anyone else truly?  HE LOVES US SO MUCH!!  Read Ephesians 1.......this passage has so much meaning right now.
  ^11-12It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.     

I am trying so hard right now to redefine who I am.  Wait, do I really mean redefine?  And why am I trying so hard?  Once again, doing GODS job and failing miserably.  Will I ever be able to just let it be and believe?
I read this in Streams in the Desert today.........
The finest china in the world is burned at least three times, some of it more than three times. Dresden china is always burned three times. Why does it go through that intense fire? Once ought to be enough; twice ought to be enough. No, three times are necessary to burn that china so that the gold and the crimson are brought out more beautiful and then fastened there to stay.
We are fashioned after the same principle in human life. Our trials are burned into us once, twice, thrice; and by God's grace these beautiful colors are there and they are there to stay forever.
--Cortland Myers

so day 27...... getting refined by fire, defied the smoking demons once again, 12 Vit C chewables, rest of life???? loving the journey

So where can we flee from your presence, O HOLY ONE who loves us so?  Be free and live your day 1 like it is your last.  Rejoice in all things and believe you are so loved.  I love and pray for you.

Jules