Day 55

Today was a good day...as I can only go by each day, I am beginning to think I am manic-depressive.  One day up, one day down.  I love this journey though.  Isn't that what life really is?   Could you imagine every day being the same?  I know I love this craziness of mine and most people that love me, I think love it too.  It keeps my husband on his toes, thats for sure.  Which by the way, I must give major kudos and all the other awards you can think of, to my amazing husband.  For the life of me, I don't know why I was so blessed with this man.  He is such a tower of strength and comfort for me and I never would have gotten through most of this without him.  I love you so much, thanks for being my husband...and all that it entails.

So, went back through the nicotine withdrawal symptoms......here they are again:

• Cravings to smoke/ have never really had this
• Irritable, cranky/ not really this either
• Insomnia/yes
• Fatigue/yes
• Inability to Concentrate/yes
• Headache/yes
• Cough/no
• Sore throat/yes
• Constipation, gas, stomach pain/no
• Dry mouth/yes
• Sore tongue and/or gums/yes
• Postnasal drip/yes
• Tightness in the chest/yes

I posted this list on day 16 and most of my answers were ..no...because I was the perfect quitter at that time don't forget.  So I have most of the symptoms now, and am really excited I got the post nasal drip..I so want to use this line.."oh, forgive me, I quit smoking and now I have post-nasal drip!"  I have now heard that for every year you have smoked, that is a month you have to detox!  Why didn't anyone tell me this before?  Would I have listened?  Perhaps I would have...

"The Almighty One" gave me a good talking to today regarding some past !crap! HE wants me to deal with!  (can you tell I am still a little bit upset with HIM?)  HE is not letting me get too far away and of course my study today was all about fear....Deut 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” 
Even one of my dearest friends talked to me about her fears and how she is learning to deal with them.  I know this is a scary place for me....I am looking from the inside out for the first time in my life, and I know this is the only way I can heal.  I want GOD THE ALMIGHTY to heal me right now, but I know deep down that I need to take this process slow.  HIS reassurance that HE is always here besides me is comforting, but mostly I have been wallowing in fear for my life because I have always done everything quickly and well and most things come easy for me.  This is so different from anything I have ever known!

so day 55.......cankles came back, spent the day with brides, did my yoga, ate like crap and have gut ache,  rest of life???........crawling still, breathing shallow, reaching for the thread, giving it all to THE KING OF KINGS again!

I pray for your rest of life, HE does have an amazing plan and purpose for each of us.  I love you and please keep me in your prayers....Jules